Monday, July 22, 2013

Emily Found A Way Out


From the very beginning of my life, as far as I can remember, I knew I was different. Being born into a dysfunctional family of 12, and having parents of different races was hard. We were very poor and didn't have much to live on. My mother stayed busy helping my older brothers and sisters with their issues. She never had time for me. I felt like she didn't even notice me. I thought, “Why was I born into a family who didn't care about anyone or anything?”

At the age of seven my life began and ended at the same time. I went to spend the night at my sister’s house and as I fell asleep I woke up to my sister’s boyfriend molesting me. That night would change my whole life forever. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone and I thought it was my fault. That little girl who enjoyed playing outside was gone. I would never be the same.

I had behavioral problems at school and I didn't get along with others. I started taking medication at a young age. At the age of nine I got so depressed that I was sent to the children’s psych ward. At that point in my life, I was already out of control. I was convinced nobody would understand. Throughout the rest of my childhood I continued to be molested and abused by others. What hurts the most is that my parents failed to protect me again and again. Everywhere I turned there was somebody there to hurt me.
I started to self-mutilate. Punishing myself made me feel like I had some control over my life. Most of the time when things got hard I was just ready to end things. Many times I either ran away or attempted suicide. Looking over the course of my life I can see that God delivered me from many situations that could have easily led to my death.

At age 18 my sister introduced me to prostitution. I had believed that I was not capable of getting or keeping a job because of my emotional instability. Prostitution seemed like an easy way to make money, and at first I enjoyed feeling like somebody wanted me. My alcohol and drug use became more intense as time went by. I felt like I needed it to continue to get through the work. I felt bad about what I was doing even though I liked the attention I was getting. Everyday seemed harder to carry on.

More than anything I longed to get what I did not receive as a child—love, protection, and belonging. I was angry when I didn’t get what I needed. I looked to men and friendships to fill these needs rather than to God who can fill all of these needs and much more. I was broken and full of shame. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. My life began to change when I became pregnant. I struggled to find a safe place to stay for me and my soon to be baby boy. I was going to be a mother, and I just knew I was finally going to be happy and complete. But I soon found out that being a single mom isn’t easy. My son’s father didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby, and at three months pregnant I moved in with another guy who I thought I loved and would marry. I wanted my son to have a father, so I endured domestic violence while I was pregnant. My son, Jordy Neymar, was born August 11, 2011. After his birth the abuse got worse and I finally was fed up enough to leave. When I left God, began to use my unplanned pregnancy to change me for the better, and continues to use it to this day.

The one thing my mother did right was she always had us in church growing up. I knew of God, but I didn’t have a relationship with Him. After leaving the abusive relationship I was stuck. I had nowhere to go that would be safe for my son and me. I called a friend, Kelly who I had known through church growing up, and she offered for Jordy and I to move to Memphis to stay with her and her husband, Justin.

In Memphis I continued to struggle with believing I was worthless and that I didn’t belong. Kelly helped me find help through The A Way Out Program. Through counseling and IOP classes I realized I was lost and I prayed for Christ to forgive me and come into my life. I began a personal relationship with Him, and began to really grow and mature. Everything was different.

I have found that God can provide everything I need, but didn’t get as a child. Now I know that I do not have to punish myself for my shortcomings because Jesus has already paid the price for my sins and I am fully forgiven. I am learning how to be a healthy person so I can be a good mother to Jordy. Jesus showed me that I am worth more than what I had ever thought and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My past abuse does not have to define me, and I have a choice to never return to my old life, but look forward to my new life in Christ.

Through The A Way Out Program I have begun a process of healing and God has sent some strong Christian women that I trust to love me well and to model what it should look like to follow Christ. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I am in a safe place where I can receive the help I need. I know that there will be hard days ahead; still I praise God for the changes that He is making in my life.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Cassandra Found A Way Out

I was born in Bolivar, Tennessee, the youngest child in a large family.  I was an intelligent, precocious child, who trusted absolutely everyone. Although I had both parents in the house, my father was an alcoholic and was often abusive to my mother.  Yet I still remember growing up loved and happy.

When I was nine years old, my parents divorced.  My mother, my older sister, and I moved to Michigan.  Once there, she was reunited with a childhood friend who she soon married.  My life changed drastically when my mother married this man.  He began molesting me when I was ten years old.

Most people knew my stepfather as a quiet, meek individual.  I knew him as a person who was sneaky and clever enough to make me seem to be a bad child who misbehaved, set fires, and hated everyone for no reason.  My mother never accepted that this had happened to me.
As I look back over my life, I know that this trauma in my childhood set me up for a long string of bad choices and decisions, including drugs, crime, and working in the sex industry.  My stepfather’s actions planted a tiny seed in me that said I was worthless, and I believed it. 
Everything that I did stemmed from that belief.  That tiny seed was watered and it grew.  I ended up alone, in and out of jail, and addicted to drugs.  I was basically doing anything that would help me to kill myself.  I came very close to succeeding, but I had been introduced to God as a child.  I could feel this same God saying, “No,” to killing myself.  But I was too angry at Him to listen to anything that He had to say.  So, I began to search for my own answers and  solutions. I repeatedly entered drug treatment  facilities desperately searching for someone to cure me from all that ailed me.  No one could.  I was treated at eight of them, sometimes completing their programs and sometimes buying drugs on my way home from them. I wondered, ”Why couldn’t anyone fix me?”  I finally decided that I would die on the street, my body would go unclaimed, and I would be buried in a pauper’s grave. My very last time in jail, I was at the end of my rope-- the part that forms a noose.  I was wounded, tired, and ready to die. Suddenly I felt something very pure and sweet descend upon me.  I knew that it was the presence of God.  He was there in that jail cell with me. He was there to save me!  God said, “My precious little girl, I’ve watched you spin your wheels all these years trying to flee from your pain.” God said that I had been looking for a person or place to heal me, when that’s His specialty.
So, the Creator of the universe, the Alpha and the Omega, Jehovah Jireh told me to get up off the floor, dry my tears and together lets go rewrite your story. Page after page, we wrote a new story of restoration, healing, and dignity into my shattered life.  We erased the nightmare in which I was a victim, stripper, and addict; and we wrote that I am a lady of honor and integrity-- a virtuous woman.  As we wrote, I   realized that God was saving me from everything and everyone who had ever let me down, hurt or abused me. He even gave me back my dream of being a nurse.  Since that day, I’ve never committed another crime, used another drug, or returned to jail. 

Still I was consumed with anger, hatred and unforgiveness for my stepfather, even after his death. It had built a wall of iron around my heart. Then came the epiphany!  Through the grace of Jesus Christ, I had been forgiven much.  Admitting that His grace was for everyone, including my abuser, was hard--very hard.  After much prayer, it was revealed to me that the molestation was not the barrier to my healing, the unforgiveness was. I knew then that the only way that I could step out of my nightmare and into the world was to do the unthinkable – forgive this man, completely and whole-heartedly.  Could I do it?  For my own benefit and per God’s instruction, I had to do it.  The blessing that made it easier was the fact that I knew that he would be dealt with by a God who adores ten year old little girls.


As I forgave him, the lock that had encased my heart for so many years opened; and chains of defeat fell from my body. That is the moment when I knew that I had truly, truly won. I am no longer alone.  I am reunited with my family. My beautiful twin nineteen year old children are back in my life.  I am also a licensed nurse.  I am part of A Way Out, a program that’s committed to helping women like me get out of the sex industry.  It’s been my God-send. One of the best gifts I have received during my time at A Way Out is my mentor Linda Tichenor. She was a perfect match. She’s funny and sweet and beautiful, but most of all she’s a Godly Christian mentor who I can strive to be like. I love Mrs. Carol Wiley, our program director, for a million reasons, but most of all, she is strict with me and can correct me, but you know what’s funny? It’s covered with so much sweetness that it doesn’t sting. I know it’s because she loves me, and that she wants what is best for me.


Monday, July 1, 2013

Laketa found A Way Out

Since entering A Way Out in August of 2009, Laketa has completed the IOP classes, graduated from HopeWorks, and completed her GED. She has also re-gained custody of her three children, and has purchased a home through Habitat for Humanity. This is Laketa’s story in her own words.
My early childhood really consisted of my mother having to go to work almost every day and leaving us by ourselves if no one could keep us. One time I got in trouble because I opened the door for this man when my mother wasn’t there. My oldest brother was busy playing football, and my mom had to go to a lot of meetings when he was trying to get drafted by the NFL. He played for the Detroit Lions and for the Green Bay Packers. They even put my mom’s picture in the paper.
My mom never really had too many men over, because after her and my dad split, I guess she didn’t want to deal with anyone else. That’s when my mom started drinking every day and playing sad songs. But I never saw her drunk. I just knew she drank.
As I became a teenager, things were pretty much the same. My mom really never taught me too much about growing up and dating except that “There’s no man in the world worth having a baby by.” That was it. I think that it wasn’t enough, because that had me scared about dating. When I finally started dating when I was nineteen, I was really naïve. My first boyfriend was a street-corner guy and he hid me in his house from his baby-mother. I didn’t really understand that he was only using me, and I didn’t think about it because I just wanted to be loved. When I realized that he didn’t care I was crushed. I started smoking weed. He had me there because he knew that I would give him money. I was working two jobs. I was a cashier at Rally’s and at the casino. Every time I got paid he was all in my face trying to be nice. I gave him money every time thinking that it would help him to love me, but it didn’t. I started drinking gin and juice. It was fun.
After I had my girls I got my own apartment. My kids’ dad was no better. After four years I broke up with him and was alone again. Me and my sister started smoking primos. Soon I had to leave my apartment because I had lost my job. I was depressed. I didn’t even go and get my unemployment and food stamps. I just stayed in the apartment and my mom would bring me food. I was completely isolated.
When I moved back home I met this older neighborhood guy that convinced me to smoke crack with a straight shooter instead of primos. I tried it. Everything went down fast. Me and my sister spent so much money we couldn’t even count it, and from there I began my life of drugs and prostitution.
After my mom died in 2005 I ended up homeless and a hopeless crack addict and prostitute. This continued for three years. I was incarcerated 13 times and would get out and go back to the street. In August of 2009, I was working in the kitchen at Penal Farm and a guard came and told me to pack up my stuff. I panicked and called a number another girl had given me. Ms. Carol was working late at CCV and answered the phone. I told her I was about to be released before we could have an interview that was scheduled the next morning at 10:00. I was scared because I didn’t want to go back to the street. Ms. Carol told me to give her 10 minutes and call back. I did and she told me that she would pick me up and that I could live at Women Ablaze while in AWO.
Since being in A Way Out I rededicated my life to the Lord, and enjoy singing to His glory. I now have a job with the Lowenstein house and am in the process of being reconciled with my kids. I am learning to be a mom to them and my heart really longs to spend time with them. The A Way Out Program has helped me get my life back and find new hope in Jesus.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Deborah Found A Way Out

                  Hi, my name is Deborah. I can remember in my early childhood being very poor with a single mother raising sixteen kids on her own. We moved to California—it was good and bad. It was good in the beginning because I attended a school that helped my mother with us as far as giving her vouchers for clothes and shoes. Also, I had a speech problem that was very bad and the kids used to tease me, so the school nurse talked to my mother and I had a tutor three days out of the week after school.

The bad side started in junior high school. I started hanging around the wrong crowd. Things started getting bad when we would meet up at our house to walk three miles to school. We started skipping school and smoking weed. Some of the parents approved of that. I thought it was cool. As years went on, things got worse. We moved back to Memphis when I was in high school. I continued to skip school and smoke weed. I got behind, so I dropped out. Thankfully, I got my GED in ‘83. I got pregnant with my daughter in ‘85. Later I found out her father was living with another woman. I was depressed, stressed out, confused, and hurt. I just wanted the pain to go away, so I decided to try crack because I always heard it would take your mind off things and you wouldn’t care about nothing or nobody. How true! So March 17th, 1989, I tried crack for the first time in a joint and I enjoyed it, so that’s when I started smoking crack uncontrollably. I lost several jobs, my appearance fell, I started doing things for money—sex and so on.  Even though I grew up in the church, I got caught up in bad relationships and in myself. I felt bad about the things I had chosen to do in my life.

I knew I could not turn back the hands of time, so I asked God to show me a better way. He let me to read Psalm 23 and 51 every day, all day in jail. I asked God to strengthen me where I am weak. I also asked for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of His word, and to let His word be the nourishment of my body, mind, and soul. Out of all that, I began to feel different on the inside. On March 4, 2010 I met Mrs. Carol Wiley. She went to the jail to interview me for A Way Out. On April 23, 2010 I was released and Ms. Carol arrived to pick me up. She gave me an ultimatum: I had to have a church home, I had to attend Tuesday night bible study and Thursday night Celebrate Recovery, as well as daily IOP classes for 17 weeks. Within all of that, I began to learn of God—how to accept and grow in His love, how to be grateful, and how to love others. I learned how to deal with my inner-most feelings, how to cope with life, and how to live life abundantly in Christ, clothed in strength and dignity.

Now I have completed the IOP classes through A Way Out as well as HopeWorks personal and career development program. I continue to attend the weekly bible study and other required classes as a part of A Way Out. I am a member of Central Church, where God led me to be a part of a women’s bible study called Learning to Lean, where I also met my A Way Out mentor, Ms. Pat Sharp. I am currently seeking full-time employment. I eventually want to go back to school, and am exploring those options for the future. Through all of this God has shown me that it is never too late for Him to change my life. Through the A Way Out program, God is continuing to show me His grace and mercy and I am thankful to be blessed and highly favored!